Leaving

Greener pasture that’s what I kept on telling myself and to others every time they ask my reason for leaving the company. Yes, you heard it right, I’m leaving and I only got 4 days, that includes 2 rest days,  left before I will have my final goodbye. It’s not easy to leave the company which made me into what I am now. The feeling of excitement is always present but the fact that you will be in a different environment, different people, new job makes me sober. No, I’m not scared, it’s just I’m still so attach that I’m still drowned and flooded to all negative thoughts about leaving. I hate to leave all the people I have loved and cared so much in the said company but the choice was made. I realized that if you really want to succeed in every journey you wanted to take, you should put away all the negative thoughts in your mind about venturing new ideas.  Welcome new things, fresh knowledge, new people. Deal every experience as one way ticket to your success. One day, you will just realize that you have made the right decisions.

lost moment

Do you also experience being lost at a certain point wherein all you could do is stare at one corner in your room? If you are going to ask me, yes, a lot of times, I mean, not just a lot of time,, but most of the time. I always have this dejavu slash lost moment every now and then. I even asked myself about it but I could not even find a definite answer to the question I kept on asking. Why stress my not so good mind (LOL) for things as such. It's just normal. Isn't it? Lemme, describe to you what this so called lost moment thingy I'm referring to.

Scenario 1:
Shared very interesting topic with my boyfriend about anything under the sun when all of a sudden, he stopped and immediately tried to catch my attention to keep my focus. I mean, there I was, stared at one corner or just looked something randomly and got lost in a moment. I didn't mean it of course. I had just this crazy thingy in my brain that triggers especially, if the conversation is kinda too long and too interesting. Let me correct you on what you are thinking there, I'm still listening though but my mind is not that focus to the person who's talking in front of me.

Scenario 2:
Had a little chitchat with my best buddy at Jollibee, IT Park and all of a sudden he flicked his fingers in front of my face because he thought I'm not listening to him anymore because of the lost moment look. The "tanga mode".

When will I'm going to change,, it's kinda destructing to those people who is having a good conversation with me and just in a split of second, the interest fades. Hahayz..

Something to be proud..........

One of the talent I have never revealed to my officemates is drawing. I used to join poster making contests during my primary years and highschool days during school programs and I always bring home the bacon. I didn't have much idea not until now, that I still have this wonderful gift from God. I used to boast about it few years back but then right now, I'm just keeping it in the box and wish that nobody will ever know about it. IBAON NALANG sa LIMOT. But there was this event at work that I volunteered myself to do the drawing, though it was just a draft that I need to do and some coloring, but it's a pain in the ass you know. WHY? because it seem that nobody in the team wanted to do it soonest time as possible. who wanted to do some stuff during last minute by the way.  Not me...my team does. we always do things at the last minute. hahahaha.. But i love my teammates. We are just too lazy and busy busyhan that's why we always reach to that point. BUT anyways, I just wanted to share some of the things that kept me busy last week and had me sick last Monday because of having no sleeps. It's super duper tiring and the moment? It's priceless...

something new under the sun...

As what you can see I just changed my template. A look which is very elegant to look and somewhat like a business type website. I like its clean look and the new ambiance of my blog. Hopefully, I will last long with having this kind of template. Let's just see what's next in the box... :)

P.S .. 

I have no internet connection at home nowadays, so all my posts are stuck up in my laptop and waiting for it to be published online. I'm just too lazy to bring it in the office or to any place where it has wifi or a net connection..

This weekend probably.. sob sob sob.. :(

First post for the year 2010

Another year had ended and a new year has just begun... I would just like this first post for the month of January to be very special. It's a nice start to feel glad and happy in everything you do. For the past years, I've been living in hell and my life was full of heartache. But this year, I will make it a very different from the one I had before. Not until now I realized that my life is worth living for because of all the people surrounding me whether they are good or bad or willing to keep me as me. I would just like to tell every people I know and those whom I have not met yet, that this year is going to be very exciting and memorable. I don't care if some people will disagree with all the thought I have right now. Of course, I, myself will be liable for all the good and bad things that will happen..:) I know, God, the Almighty Father, will help me discern which way to take. I am just praying that everyone will receive all the blessings they deserve to have. 

Christmas get together..:)

Christmas is fast approaching. Three days from now, the special day will be celebrated by everyone. Am excited myself because my CWS was just approved by my Supervisor and I won't be present this coming Thursday and Friday, December 24 and 25, 2009. Instead, I'll be at work this Saturday and Sunday. Weee... It will be my first time to have my CWS this year 2009 and will be my last as well. I'm kinda excited because I would be able to spend time with my family during the special occasion. We will going to have a family reunion and will be held in our house. My relatives will come over and we will going to have a small celebration. Exchanging gifts will be present as always and of course, precious gifts from my cousins, aunts and uncles. Since I'm always at work and don't have much time with my family at all, then this coming holiday, will be the first time of the year that I'll be spending my whole day and night with them. Surely it would be a joyful and great day too.

Pic from Wikipedia.org

...

Books. Books. Books.

I'm so occupied this past few days. Books were piled in my bookshelf  waiting for me to read them. So hectic schedule. So many things to do. I don't have time to study harder to all my subjects and I easily get tired nowadays by just looking at my books or the xerox copies I usually placed in my study table at home. I'm trying to figure out a way to minimize doing the things that will make me tired or put me into anxiety. Studying and working at the same time is not so easy like what I always thought. Few months back, I always have this usual reclaim why my teammates who were also working and studying at the same time, fell into sleep during a conversation they had with a customer. Too one sided thought maybe. I probably had that thought because I was not in their shoe. Recently, I just realized that it was never easy to do things at once, multi-tasking in other words. It needs focus and lot of sacrifice to do things perfectly without committing any mistake along the way. It is tiring but its worth the sweat and effort. Hopefully, God will keep on guiding me to go to the right path. At this hour, I am very busy studying my notes for my exam this coming Friday. Just wish me luck and may God bless me all the time... Ciao!

aging or what?

When I asked my friend about gaining a wisdom tooth at the age of 21, he answered me with a smile and said, "tiguwang na gyud diay ka" and replied, "what the heck!, am I really that old?". Gee, getting that kind of answer from a friend was really disturbing because I always thought that 21 is already a old age. Maybe I just have to accept the fact that people will get older each day. In denial stage, maybe or maybe no. Whatever it is I'm going to have a wisdom tooth and it is going to be a painful one. Actually, it is in weiter status.

It was just 2 days ago that my wisdom tooth started to grow. Indeed, I'm going through a lot of pain right now. I can feel that my gum, the one surrounding my tooth, is breaking partway. If  I did not take a pain reliever late this afternoon, surely I could not sleep and might been at home at this hour. Right now, am asking my teammates how can I go about my wisdom tooth which is coming out painfully and they have one common advise which was, go to a dentist. Well, I am also thinking of that but I'm too afraid to go to a dental clinic. That's one of my problem though. help help... :(

first day of school..:)

Here I am facing the computer again. At the office. Thinking of how great my subject teachers were. They were all quite impressive and worth listening for. For sure, my classes will never be a boring one. Nevertheless, I will also learn new things from my instructors. I was just a lil embarrassed with my second subject which was CS 11. I did not expect the teacher to call my name and let me solve a fraction problem in front of my classmates. D*mn it! my first time to solve something for the last 2 years and to stand in front of the class. I was shocked and realized one thing, I have to review my basic mathematics. I was quite a loser that time but somehow I learned. LOL. At least I managed to solve the issue. I'm not boasting anything here.  I am just.. well.my classmates were just little behind from the things I have learned at work and at home. Nonetheless, I liked my SoSci teacher who was critical thinker and open-minded. I liked how he discussed about the things surrounding us. Maybe, this time I was just fascinated by my instructors brilliant minds.Well, I am just looking forward to every discussions and every teachings they will share to the class. :)

Wew!.. Enough of that, I still have a homework to do. My first assignment for this semester. Hope everything will go well.

welcome back to school mae...

It fascinates me how people greeted me 2 days ago of going back to school. After 2 years of working in a Web Hosting company, I just realized that I have to put an end to my fancy ideas that I will be a better person by just working all the time. To have a job is a privilege to an individual who have not yet finished studying. I was in my 3rd year in college that I decided to apply for a job and luckily, I got one. I knew all the way that I will excel and will be able to improve my fields of expertise with that kind of job. You might be asking what is my job description. It is like this.. I am currently an Advance Technical Support Representative in a prestigious hosting company and I do take UK calls most of the time because I'm already an advance agent. It would be different if we'll going to say TSR because they usually take US calls and UK calls will not go directly to their line. The job is kinda tough but you can work without any pressure because even if you are not that technical at first, you will eventually learn. I always believe though, that someone's technicality will be improved by giving that person an ample time to learn. It is within the person's personality if he or she wants to improve or not. It is called perseverance.

Going back, im very excited and overwhelmed by all the greetings I received from all my friends and colleagues. Alas! I am doing something to fulfill my dreams. I knew, everything I am doing right now is a consolation that I can give to my parents after all their effort and sweat to send me to school. Though before I feel neglected by them. But let us leave the past behind. What is done is done.  Those reasons won't disturb and block my future plans.And this time, its for real. BIG TIME!

 Well, let just see what will happen to me while I'm working and at the same time studying. God will help me for sure.  xoxo

Tick tack tick tack.. Wew!. October.. 

I'm wondering what are my trips for this month.  One thing is on my mind right now is "school". I'm really confused today. I woke up having confusing thoughts about my studies. I want to continue my Business Administration course because I want to be on a clerical work or office work. But at the same time, I like to continue my computer related course which is COMPE. I know I'm good in calculations and all but I also believed that I can apply it in my business related course. When my parents forced me to shift to BA, I really had a tough time dealing with it. Actually, I stopped in the middle of the semester and I looked for a job. Luckily, I was hired by one of the company here in Cebu which is a Webhosting company. I've been working for 2 years now and a bit bored on it. That's why I'm looking for something to spice it up a little. I'm just confused. Laina sa feeling wuiz!.. OK OK OK.. focus... FOCUS!!!!!!

Thinking of the memories of the past gives me nostalgia. There are a lot of things wasted. Too many buts, ifs and the could bes'. I was so immature back then. So fierce and very emotional. Everything was topsy-turvy. Wishing I could turn back time and correct whatever dreadful mistakes I did. I wish I was that strong before. Maybe I will not be having this kind life. Should I be thankful for those mistakes? I may appear as if I don't care of anything about it at all, but deep inside I'm crying. I want to go back to the past. I'm craving for it. Longing for it. God help me. I'm bedevil. I'm screaming for help.. SOS!!!!!.. 

Love Crisis: Part 2

My friend is right, love is tiresome if you fall in love with someone in the wrong time or with the wrong person. What makes it a wrong person? Because probably, he has someone  else , particularly a girlfriend, a wife, or someone he committed his self with or might be, he  is not just the person you really want  to be though he is very much available. For me, love crisis is not that hard. We are just the one making it  hard  because of the  evil thoughts or negatives invading our minds. That may include jealousy and mistrust. Might be because of some traumatic experiences. I, myself, experienced it. I experienced to be loved, fooled, mistrusted, and all other bad experiences when it comes to love. 

Trust. Is one essential element when it comes having a relationship with someone. I agree that if you do not trust others it is good as saying you are not trusting yourself. I just shared some thoughts about this with a friend. True, that I trust myself however, it is really hard for me to trust others because of what I had experienced in the past. Reason why this topic was brought up then? It was because of the fact that I am afraid of going out with anyone. He said, why not try to go out, start to mingle, date as long as it pleases you. 
It was too hard then for me to open up again. But just 2 weeks ago, I did myself a favor. I went out with someone I will probably like. There's no sense of being afraid, I think. I guessed, it was worth a try. Wallah!!!..I just realized I did not make the wrong decision. It was indeed something. A new phase. It thrills me. Very exciting!.


Just keep posted!.. Love Crisis: Part 3 coming soon.

I'm Back!

It's good to be back!.. Yes! you read it right. Im back.

Wew!.. It's been 2 weeks or so since I last posted something about my whereabouts here. I've been on hiatus because of some series of events in my life that I could not just ignore. I missed blogging so much!.. Well so much about that.. Here are the things that kept me busy for the past days..


1. Been processing my shiftee form for almost 2 weeks plus now. I could not just finish it immediately, though I really want to. It's one heck of a suicide if I'll wait for the BA chairman at USC main campus to show up in his office and sign my shiftee form. Ayt?! 
My friend, Christine, just told me last Wednesday that the chairman is somewhat very busy these days attending series of meetings, programs, thesis presentation and etc. I hate to say this, but it's very hassle. I could not just take it anymore. *sigh
Okay, stop complaining Mae, look for the solution not the problem. Think positive. You will surely finish it.. SOON! 


2. Been addicted to Gossip Girl. Within the span of 2 days I finished watching season 1 and season 2 of GG. XOXO. I like the characters and the story line. Aside from which, the lesson I get in every episode. 


3. Met new friends. I just met another set of friends. Barkada of my special someone (winky-winky, naa gyud mo react ani for sure). I had fun with them last last Saturday. 
Ms. Friendship as what my sissie commented on me. I could not just help myself but befriend with everybody I will meet on my journey in life. 


4. Busy Busyhan sa house. The word "busy" for me is frequently my excuse for any appointment which I don't like to commit. Harsh? it's not. I could not just tell someone or anyone straight to their face that I don't like their company. AYT?!.. Too much honestly probably will hurt them nor insult them.. ahhaha.. Sorry. But I'm just like that. I only go out with those people I feel like going out. *Chessy.. No wonder I went out with mr. mysterious. 

5. Work. I'm just deeply, seriously, awfully, dreadfully busy with my work. I'm working on my stats. Coping up with new mind set. Wew!.. I'm quite stressed. Stop COMPLAINING!!!.. It won't do you any good Mae. Think why you have to work. BE positive. Be optimistic. Don't entertain your very pessimistic mind. It will just ruin you.. It will .. For sure.. Don't be..



Well, so nice to be back, watch out for my next post. My friend demanded me to make the love crisis, part 2. Soonest time as possible... TSK TSK...

The memory still lingers on....

Embers and Envelopes by Mae

We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by.
I know you have sacrificed time,
life, love, time to fly.
Please consider all things trite,
forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let's look ahead and then we'll see the One
whose glory never ends.
And based on that we'll see,
there'll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

If all is said and done and over,
if we don't have to, we're not going to.
Make the change, it's worth the try.

What's broken can be fixed tonight.

As I scanned my playlist in my computer. I just found this song. Wew!.. Whenever I hear this song I will remember all the memories I had with a person who I'm not supposed to fall in love with. Those were stupid days but I never forget also the good times we had together. The relationship we had is somewhat a pseudo. I don't regret spending my precious time with him though I knew in the end I will only hurt myself. I only looked at him as a friend at the start but eventually, unfortunately, I have fallen for him because he understands and cares for me the most like no other guys did. We may had a bad ending but I did not look at it as bad as it was. We are still friends but the gap is not so nice. Thinking I don't like to talk to him nor give him an idea that I like to have a conversation with him. But whatever memories we had.. I always cherish and keep it wherever and whatever I will become.

love crisis???

Am I experiencing love crisis? Ingon man gud to akong migo na why is it it's so unlike me not to have someone beside me.. like the person I love. Well, the answer for that is plain "wala lang". I' m not into it and i'm not ready yet to enter to another relationship thingy. Mabuang nako if ma hurt napod ko ug balik sa taw na not deserving for my sweet love. I just realized something that when your single you can always mingle to everyone. Unlike when you are with someone, probably having a relationship or having a mutual understanding with someone else then that's the time that you usually stop mingling to others. Your world will focus more on that person, forgetting that some other people out there cares for you the most that your current boyfriend or girlfriend will not be able to give you. That is FRIENDSHIP. People can always see me nowadays with different sets of companion. They are all my friends. Some are just newly met some are long time friends. It's so ironic that when you have a girlfriend or girlfriend, it seems that the world is only focusing to your beloved partner, not able to see the other world around you. However, the disadvantage of having no boyfriend or girlfriend beside you is that, you don't have always someone you can turn to when you have a problem, no one will go with you when you want to go somewhere. Lahi raman gud ng someone na mabitad dayn unlike sa imong mga barkada or something, they always have their own life and priorities. There are times I feel so alone and I remember those painful moments I had with a person leading me to cry. hahahah. EMO moment kunohay. But no one can blame me right? I even shared my thoughts and feelings to a friend of mine about my status in life right now. He said why not go on a date? Hmmm.. I always paused and got tongue-tied everytime he ask that question. Funny noh? Well.. he can't blame me.. I just don't trust anyone right now. It's good as saying I don't trust myself that much when it comes to love kay always ko palpak. I don't want a perfect relationship just a magical and honest one. It's hard to please me nowadays and if someone attempt to ask me to date with them, reject man dayn nko ang offer. Hmmm. but i'm pretty sure that if I think that someone is the right one for me, one who will not leave me and want to spend the rest of his life with me then he is always welcome and assure that i won't let him go no matter what... :)

Day 1 - walang katapusang diet

Wew!.. I just got home. Hug and kissed my Gabriel and immediately turn on my personal computer after that.

Visiting my blog is just one of my habit when I go online. Anyways, it's not that. Today is just a big day for me. My first day of diet. hahaha..

I had my breakfast. Only ate one cup of rice, not the normal because I eat 2 cups of rice per meal. HAHAHA.. ana ko kadako ug kaon. Of course akong sud.an ky corned beef then nag banana pod kunohay ko. Hopefully, kani xa na kaon makaya nko. I guess balance na xa dba? As long as dli ko msakit sa akong diet then that's fine. It's just i'm very persuasive in fulfilling my goal to get the figure I had before. Mabuang nko ani.. ahhaha.. Walay magbuot. ang masuya ma deadz.. hihi
Maybe you wonder the reason why i'm doing these sacrifices.. It's not because of someone.. it's because of myself.. OKAY??? let's clear it lng ky naa rbay mga bati ug huna2x dha na mga taw. hihi..

Insecurity issue

Let's face it, each person has insecurities on how they will look in front of many people. Well, it's simple I am talking about physical insecurities. I have one myself. My friends might tell me that my body is just alright and tell me that it's not a big deal. But it is, not for them, but for me. I may act as if I don't care when I ask my very close friends about it or some of my guy friends out there but the truth is, I really like them to tell me the crucial truth that I'm getting bigger and fatter each and everyday. My main problem is that I don't know where to start my diet. Disciplining oneself is just very difficult for me at this phase of my life. I keep doing the dont's rather than the do's. My physical appearance is just very important to me that it hunts me even in my dreams. I maybe attractive when you look at my face but my body s*ck*! (charisma lng guro ingon akong mama ug ingon akong mga friends pretty, baga nwng noh? of course ako gud ni .. i love myself though naa lng gamay prob) I always dream of going back in the past and wish that my body will be the same as before but it's too difficult. It will never go back to the way it was. Just imagine the kind of job I have right now, most of the time i'm just sitting in my office chair facing the monitor for 8 hours, go to sleep every time my shift ends and just do nothing at home though I engaged myself to strenuous activities such us playing badminton, jogging and mountain climbing but still no effect. I still look very fat. I have this crazy thought that I want to be hospitalized again so that my body will shrink just like before. Crazy maybe but that's the truth. I'm very confident wearing all the clothes that are on my closet everyday in going to work or anywhere my two feet bring me. It's just i'm too fat..Y_Y.. I like to scream!..

But here's the good side of it. I may think that I'm already fat but I'm still very confident of my self. Giving assurance to oneself that you're beautiful each and everyday I think will help me do something about the fact that I don't like my figure these days. Sabotage oneself and tell the world that I can get rid all the insecurities that I have. I should and I would!

My 21st Birthday Celebration

September 5th 2009. I had fun!.. Everything was perfect!. Except for one thing. But don't want to talk about the bad thing that happened to me that time. I just want to talk about all the happening and the happiness I felt about that day.

I'm so thankful and at the same time i'm very glad on that day. It was my greatest birthday celebration ever. I was not able to write anything here last Saturday because I got lazy. It was a 2 day affair. LOL. Well here it goes.

First thing in the morning, when I reached home, my family surprised me with a greeting and a little gathering held at home with them. They prepared something for me though I didn't receive any gift (i'm not materialistic so it doesn't matter if they will give me a gift or not, though much appreciated if I would have something that would serve as a remembrance during that day) I was still very glad because they have not forgotten my birthday unlike with my 18th. Hmmm...

I slept for at least 2 hours, took a bath and all. Went to Ayala to meet Sai, Sheena and Matt...

And it started.....


The first bday cake I bought using my own money. Dili lng ko magsaba sa price..^^.. though expensive xa gamay but kei ra.. it was worth it. Flavor ani ky Black Forest. hurot nmn gud ang Chocolate Mousse..T_T.




Mao ni nawng sa table sa Dessert Factory sa wala pa ang cake na order. Matt just had a peppermint tea na pwerteng humota. Maka addict xa infairness..^^

Ug ang cake naabot na. We requested Matt to take a picture of the cake together with me, sai and sheena.


I'm about to slice the cake.. c Sheena gi lng ug txt2x.


Ug mao na dayn ni.. daghn paman pic.. but kani lng sa.. para cool. hihi..

Nya happy ko ani nga day.. Though someone didn't show up.. hahaha. ni bawi man pod xa pag next day.. weeeeeeeeeee

huhu

I'm not numb or something.. Murag nakapasakit gyud ko ug taw.. huhu.. kalami isyagit oi..Y_Y..

cge adto nlng ko..huhuhu..

and i don't use any words or something just to make someone fall for me.. this is the real me.. i'm not a liar either.. mosulti ko kng unsa akong gusto isulti.. and i don't pretend.. so ayaw gyud ko ingna nga liar coz i never was.. i never were.. i never am a liar... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..

i don't make up stories just to let someone appreciate me.. i don't bribe people.. and don't call me
b**** coz you don't have any right.. you don't know everything about me!!!!..

Such an *S****** to allow oneself to commit infidelity.. d*mn!..

Wa gyud diay kasabot.. paita.. hinoon i don't have to do things to please you or something.. well goodluck nlng.. goodluck nlng pod sa imong mga gipang PM na lain ha.. ky kybw raba ko.. sh*T!