Insecurity issue

Let's face it, each person has insecurities on how they will look in front of many people. Well, it's simple I am talking about physical insecurities. I have one myself. My friends might tell me that my body is just alright and tell me that it's not a big deal. But it is, not for them, but for me. I may act as if I don't care when I ask my very close friends about it or some of my guy friends out there but the truth is, I really like them to tell me the crucial truth that I'm getting bigger and fatter each and everyday. My main problem is that I don't know where to start my diet. Disciplining oneself is just very difficult for me at this phase of my life. I keep doing the dont's rather than the do's. My physical appearance is just very important to me that it hunts me even in my dreams. I maybe attractive when you look at my face but my body s*ck*! (charisma lng guro ingon akong mama ug ingon akong mga friends pretty, baga nwng noh? of course ako gud ni .. i love myself though naa lng gamay prob) I always dream of going back in the past and wish that my body will be the same as before but it's too difficult. It will never go back to the way it was. Just imagine the kind of job I have right now, most of the time i'm just sitting in my office chair facing the monitor for 8 hours, go to sleep every time my shift ends and just do nothing at home though I engaged myself to strenuous activities such us playing badminton, jogging and mountain climbing but still no effect. I still look very fat. I have this crazy thought that I want to be hospitalized again so that my body will shrink just like before. Crazy maybe but that's the truth. I'm very confident wearing all the clothes that are on my closet everyday in going to work or anywhere my two feet bring me. It's just i'm too fat..Y_Y.. I like to scream!..

But here's the good side of it. I may think that I'm already fat but I'm still very confident of my self. Giving assurance to oneself that you're beautiful each and everyday I think will help me do something about the fact that I don't like my figure these days. Sabotage oneself and tell the world that I can get rid all the insecurities that I have. I should and I would!